Can you see me now?
by Akane Izo
Summary: Yamamoto's lips curved up into a strange, forlorn, and rueful smile, "Can you see me now, mom?"- A different kind of story to fill in the gaps of mystery that is Yamamoto's mom.


**Title**: Can you see me now?

**Summary**: Yamamoto's lips curved up into a strange, forlorn, and rueful smile, "Can you see me now, mom?"- A different kind of story to fill in the gaps of mystery that is Yamamoto's mom.

**Warning(s):** About erm.. A little violence, gore, a little angst, a lot feels, and non existent facts. Grammars, and typos.

**A/N**: Because my feels will never die with Yamamoto and the fact that I'm endlessly curious about his mom.

Sorry if it is **not** the idea you probably liked to read. So if you don't want child (psychological) abuse(?) -man, I gave away a lot- or have anything against it, please don't force yourself. :) However, I accept all kinds of reviews.

* * *

Yamamoto is a good man of bright smiles and positivism. He is good a friend, an athlete, an assassin, a counselor even. It isn't difficult to like him, or for some people (like Hibari, for example) to respect him with those skills that came naturally to him like breathing.

He is handsome, considering a lot of women in and out of Mafia is head-over-heels on this hot bachelor who, like the good man he is, stayed humble despite such flattery and compliment. He is kind to everyone, even enemies whom he gave respects by giving them a good fight and death. Being a Guardian, his wealth is unquestionable. He has loving friends and a father. Everyone knew he is perfect.

But to that someone, he isn't. He will never be.

It had been engraved into his mind, at the tender age of five. Burned a scar into his soul that he soon learned to hide. Yamamoto Takeshi knows he is a mistake. Something this world should not have let to live; he was the reason for all the misery that his dad went through when the other raised him alone. He was the reason that his mom hated the life she lived.

The voices continued to echo on his head, and even louder especially on the 8th of September. The date that everyone thought as the time of his mother's passing.

* * *

"_He's a mistake, Tsuyoshi! You know that! He wasn't planned from the beginning. In fact this family was just made on a whim!"_

_"Calm your voice, my dear. I know Takeshi is not a mistake! He's your son! He's our son!"_

_"I have no son! That god-forsaken child took everything from me! If he wasn't born, I would still be serving my Family and I won't be rotting here as a goddamn housewife! Admit it Tsuyoshi, you're regretting it, too right? You should've been still holding your sword and not some butcher's knife if it wasn't for that-mistake!"_

_Young Takeshi did not understand well. Back then, it was one of those conversations that he would overhear whenever his door cracks up the slightest opening without them noticing, or whenever Tsuyoshi thought he'd be asleep and already got to the bathroom for the last rituals. But he was not that innocent to not know he was the subject of their loud-conversations. Unless, he has another brother he doesn't know of. His young, innocent mind could not help but think why is mom mad? Why is dad upset? Is it because I haven't gone to sleep yet? Or maybe because I spilled my milk earlier? Or because I lost Mr. Cuddles?.. Did they miss Mr. Cuddles, too? Waaah.. It's my fault Mr. Cuddles was lost!_

_Older Yamamoto purses his lips, however his anger wanted to slap his wife right there and then, but took all of his restraint not to. After childbirth, Tsuyoshi noticed his wife growing distant.. and cold, and yet he never considered such things to go as far as hating their own child. He could see the reason, for they had both loved their jobs protecting their Famiglia and had no choice but to abandon it all for the peace they longed as a family. However, Tsuyoshi could never fathom to understand and sympathize with her reasons. This was not the Tsume he loved, she was different... Tsume was always loving, gentle, and caring for their child before she changed.. _

_"__I don't regret is as much as you do, Tsume Why can't you go back to the Tsume I knew?"tears sprang from black orbs and yet the one with caramel orbs burned with despise.._

* * *

"Dad.." he mumbled a little at the memory immediately blaring his chest. It was always the same, every 8th of September. His friends could only look at him.. They concluded he needed space, even just for this day.

* * *

_"She's long gone, Tsuyoshi. That child took her away the day that cursed being was born into this world."_

_Tsuyoshi raised his hand in such a swift movement, and-_

_"Dad!" cried a five year old mini size of the older Yamamoto. His hands froze that instant. Did he hear them all? Please, Tsuyoshi pleaded that his son did not hear all of it._

_''T-Takeshi...''and that instant the blonde haired woman left the house, but not before planting the coldest glare on the sobbing little mess that she refused to call her own child._

_The older Yamamoto couldn't care less when he has a crying child, his child with him right now. He rushed to him immediately, ''Takeshi.. Son.. I'm so-''_

_''Dad.. Will mom come back?'' such an innocent question from his son, and Tsuyoshi held back all the tears that threatened to come._

_''She will, son.. Of course..'' he hugged the younger Yamamoto, so tight and silently cried on his back. But little did Tsuyoshi know, Takeshi had seen it all, heard it all. And it took all of what's left of his broken childhood to fight back the tears that's to come as he was embraced by his father._

* * *

He knows that it was his fault his mom wasn't the same anymore; it was his fault his dad was crying, it was his fault because he was born into this world. That day, it was all little Takeshi can think of. But it was also then he thought, maybe.. Just maybe if he could be a good boy, and make his mom and dad proud, _th__en mom would stop staring at me with scary eyes.. Then maybe mom would smile, or maybe she would look at me without getting angry.._

It was a silly thought, Takeshi had to say. A smile of bitterness tugged upon his lips. But he supposed his young version wouldn't have it the other way. It was the reason why he put on an effort to have a star at school every chance he gets, why he would help clean his room, why he started playing baseball, why he wanted so hard to hit a home-run someday and see his mom smile from the audience, why he wanted so much to be the good son they could ever have. Looking back now, he didn't remember anything to ever deem good enough for his mom to see him.

* * *

_''I've had enough of him. I can't live with such weak, pathetic child like him. He's a mistake.'' she says as she slammed the door shut in midnight, leaving a baffled Tsuyoshi, and a silently crying Takeshi hiding behind the room's door._

* * *

Takeshi could remember that day like yesterday. He was seven years earlier from being a teen when he was left to understand things that his mom was never going back- that he will be having only his Dad starting that day; that the mother he used to see will never see him back as her son.

It was also that day he vowed to make his dad happy always, and put on a smile even if it became a habit for him. That day, he swore to keep everything to himself; to act so oblivious so others won't have to worry about him and be a burden. He kept all the secrets that his ever sharp eyes can see, and never talked about it unless asked because he thought its unnecessary. His own existence was unnecessary, because he was a mistake to begin with.

Exactly eighteen years have passed since then. Yamamoto couldn't help but chuckle bitterly like the world put a huge joke on him. Blade against blade, metal against metal, Takeshi laid down flat on his back. It's funny that his memories came to haunt him this moment out of all times, when a sharper edge of the dagger stretched few more layers of skin to be called threatening, held by the hands he once wanted to feel on his head patting him and saying, _t__hat's my son._.

Staring back through cold, piercing identical caramel orbs, he can't help but feel so small against the same orbs that stared him down if not ignored him.

"I'm surprised you're still alive, brat." Tsume, who was once the portrait of a kind-hearted lady with words and a smile that brings happiness and warmth; who had a beautiful wavy blonde hair that was once left to cascade down her hips; the caramel-eyed woman who looked at everyone with compassion despite blood on her hands; who fought through Mafia with an untainted grace- and exactly the woman Tsuyoshi fell and loved.

But now she stood with beauty almost untouched by time as the assassin of the rival family who wanted to have Vongola Decimo's head; one of the deadliest veterans on the mafia; and Takeshi Yamamoto's biological mother.

The venom laced with each words she spouted, digging more into the younger man's throat. Expression as stern and mean that anyone would take a step back as if spelling out the message in a deathly silence, _Now I've actually found a reason to dispose this world of a disgrace like you. _

"Mom.." The man hissed at his vocal chords being threatened by saying anything.

"You have no right to call me that, you despicable trash." The older woman gritted her teeth... nevertheless she had a sinister grin on her face, fingers ghosting over Takeshi's cheeks and lingered there for a bit, ".. If you at least have my blood on you, I intend you to not disgrace it. Give me that weakling Sawada brat. Mm, maybe then, I can see you."

It was what it all took for Takeshi's eyes to burn out the once longing in his orbs. This wasn't his mother. He knew that of course..

The lie he has been telling to himself after everyone assumed it was: his mother was dead on September 8th of a terrible illness, leaving the Yamamoto household with no light and warmth. His mother, like any other mother, loved him and was proud of him.. She had the smile he inherited, she was kind and big-hearted, she loved sports, she loved cooking.. She was no perfection, but she was the ideal mother. It was the lie he forced himself to believe to escape the horrible reality that Tsume was never the mother Takeshi would have needed.

Or wanted.

So, gripping on his sword, he slashed fiercely, entirely focused on tearing down.

"Takeshi-kun!" The other voices echoed running from the corridor, only to see blood on both parties and worried the group. The assassin licked blood on her hands, malicious-looking at her prey- the ever oblivious, innocent, and pathetic boss of the Vongola: Tsunayoshi Sawada.

With blink-eye speed, metal turned into a silver cut in the wind, straight towards the young Don. It was her victory, her ever glorious victory. She would reclaim her pride and dignity, and she would bring the honor of killing Vongola's boss. But neither of those happened in that instant, for a blade met his own- the blade his too-soft husband once wielded with such professionalism- and pierced her flesh until the edge reached the other side.

A slick movement was all she heard as her visions blurred. She staggered, stumbled back, and fell on her behind. "C-curse your existence, god-forsaken child. How dare you do this to your own mother!" she spat angrily, teeth red from blood she hacked out.

.

.

.

Yamamoto's lips curved up into a strange, forlorn, and rueful smile, "Can you see me now, mom?"

* * *

** A/N:** Yup. I'm sorry. Whatever happens next is up to you. So yeah, I'm not saying Tsume is dead. I hope you don't take ill feelings from/ toward this fic.

I reaally, reaally appreciate any comment. Please do review!

Ciao.


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